People always told me that time flew by fast as you grew up, but I never expected it to fly by this fast. 

My time in Albania is almost over. Spending time with kids playing volleyball and soccer. Walking 5 miles to the grocery store. Sharing a room with 7 girls. Cooking meals and everyone eating together. Following the routine of workouts, quiet time, announcements, and school. We only have a week and a half left of these things and then it's onto the next chapter. 

I think the part of it all that affects me the most is the fact that we aren't all gonna be together anymore. 11 of us will be living together in the church in Italy, but the rest of us will be split into groups of 2 or 3 in host homes. It's only for 2 weeks that we'll be living like this, but it still seems weird that we will now be split up. 

People keep telling me that this trip is the chance of a lifetime. That I won't ever be in a community like this again. A community of Christians my age that also have a heart for missions and serving others. A community where we do almost everything together and where we are able to support and love each other all the time. 

I tend to forget that aspect. That the people here really do love me and care about me and that they are willing to listen to me. For such a long time in my life, I never felt like I had anyone to TRULY listen to me. I felt like anything I told them would just go in one ear and out the other. I felt like I was a burden and that I was wasting their time by telling them my problems and because of that, I would refuse to talk to anyone about how I was feeling. I would hold it all in and try to fix it myself, but I can't do that. 

I'm realizing that this community is exactly what I need to get through those things in life that knock me down. I can't do everything on my own and that is such a beautiful thing. The way that God designed us to NEED community to support and care for each other. Because he doesn't want us to do everything on our own. That's not the type of God he is. 

He is a God of fellowship. Of love. 

The other day, I wasn't doing the best mentally. It was so obvious that I wasn't doing okay, but I refused to tell anyone what was going on. I knew I would cry in front of everyone if I spoke about my feelings and I didn't want that to happen. But the more I kept it in, the worse I felt. As soon as I talked to my friend about how I was feeling, I felt a weight lifted off of me and didn't feel so absorbed and trapped in my own head. 

The next day, I talked to my leader Amanda about what was going through my head. When I was done explaining, she asked me if what I said was from my heart. That is a question she asks me all the time: "How is your heart?" It wasn't from my heart. So, I began sharing from my heart and when I did that, she was able to connect with me on a deeper level and was able to give me what I needed. 

Proverbs 27:9 says "The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense." 

I've been learning that the more I am honest with others and share my heart, the deeper our relationship can grow and the more they can help encourage me with what I need in the moment. 

Another thing that I've learned is how important it is to fill yourself with good. You can remove all the bad you have in you, but if you don't refill it with good, the bad will come back and fill your space, making you feel worse than before. 

Matthew 12:43-45 describes this perfectly when it says “When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, but finds none. Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when it comes, it finds the house empty, swept, and put in order. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there, and the last state of that person is worse than the first. So also will it be with this evil generation.” 

I've been working on speaking positive truths over myself to replace the negative thoughts that creep into my mind. The only way that you can fight against these bad thoughts is to rearrange your thinking from bad thoughts to good. To thoughts that uplift you rather than put you down. And I know that I don't deserve to listen to thoughts that make me feel terrible about myself. 

Finally, I've realized the significance of Jesus being the bridegroom. Jesus as the bridegroom symbolizes a deep, intimate, and sacrificial relationship between Christ and the Church, which is his bride. It signifies Christ's eternal love, commitment, and ultimate sacrifice for his people, while the Church is called to be pure, holy, and devoted to him in return. It's also a symbol of the future heavenly wedding feast when believers will be united with Christ eternally. 

This may sound weird, but recently, I have been missing my husband. I know I haven't even met him yet, but I just want to meet him. To be able to have someone I connect with and can share anything with. 

Until that person comes, I know that Jesus is my bridegroom and because he has such a deep relationship with us, I can be intimate with him and share anything with him. So instead of having a relationship with him where I just thank him, ask him for requests, and give him facts, I want to share my heart with him, fully and truthfully. 

Prayer requests would be that this next week goes well leading up to when we leave for Italy and that youth camp goes well this weekend. It is a 3 day camp that we are hosting at the church and it's the last one before we leave for Albania. Love you all! 

God bless, Hailey