Much needed June and July update!!

I really did not feel like writing this blog post today. Actually, I’ve been holding off on writing it for a while. The China trip is one of the main reasons why its taken me so long to actually sit down and start, but its also simply been due to the fact that I don’t want to take the time to get it done. There’s been a million thoughts running through my head recently, about what I still need to  complete before I leave, who I want to see and talk to, and many what if questions. All of this has led me to feel very overwhelmed and overstimulated. Just the thought of needing to complete all of these tasks has made me not want to do anything at all. I’ve taken this week pretty slow, trying to rest and prioritize myself more. But then I realized I really didn’t NEED all that rest and that I would have to get up at some point to check each thing off my list. Instead of facing my “problems” and tasks head on, I’ve been ignoring and avoiding them, hoping that maybe they would disappear or that my anxiety would be relieved about it all. I’ve also been looking at the whole picture, thinking that I need to finish everything in one day instead of over time. That is something I have always struggled with: not focusing on each small step that needs to be taken to reach the top. After having conversation with my mom and friends and spending time in the word, I feel more at ease. In the Bible, Jesus told us to lay our anxieties down at his feet, to make them known to him and that he would take care of them.

• “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” 1 Peter 5:7.
• “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
• “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. In the peace which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

I’ve definitely been making an effort to remind myself that we are not mean’t to carry all our worries, anxieties, and stresses alone. Jesus is right there, as he’s always been, holding out a helping hand to all of us and ready to take care of us in the midst of our anxiety. He doesn’t want us to handle it all alone and kill ourselves in the process. Instead, he is INVITING us to declare and hand over the things in our lives that make us fearful since it will bring us closer to him and will also teach us that we DEPEND on him. We can’t do it alone and when we accept the fact that we need someone to give us rest, peace, and calmness through our worries, Jesus will come in right by ours sides and encourage us to keep pushing and keep checking things off the list, even when its overwhelming and nerve-wracking.

Adding onto feeling much anxiety about the trip, it clicked in my mind that I will have to get really comfortable with the uncomfortable. I am going to have to become more flexible to change and dents in my plans of what I thought would happen. I’ll have to adapt to new changing environments as I move from place to place. I will have to be content with eating food I may not always like, bringing very little with me to survive off of, and not knowing what to expect. I hate not knowing what to expect or not knowing how to prepare myself. I like structure, a schedule, itinerary, definitiveness. Not mystery, unknowingness, and going with the flow. This is something I learned about myself when I was in China, since there was a lot of changes in plans and never any definitiveness in what the plans were. I’m trying to have more of an open mind and have faith that whatever happens is God’s will. There’s no need for me to get all worked up about how long or where we will be spending our time. All that matters is if we follow where the Holy Spirit directs us and work according to his desires. As I think about my team and I having to faithfully follow Jesus down the path of unknowingness, I think about the disciples and how they carried very little with them, didn’t know where they were going or what they would be doing, but knew they were serving Jesus and that was enough for them.

• “As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a new into the lake, for they were fishermen. “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.” At once they left their nets and followed him,” Matthew 4:18-20
• “He told them: “Take nothing for the journey-no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra shirt. Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that town. If people do not welcome you, leave their town and shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them,” Luke 9:3-5
• “Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?” Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me,” John 14:5-6

That’s the point I want to get to: trusting Jesus SO MUCH that I don’t even consider the outside noise attempting to drown out my listening ear to him.

Continuing on with the topic of becoming comfortable in the uncomfortable, I would like to update you all on some exciting, yet surprising news that I received about the month ago. Back when I was supposed to leave for China, about 4 days before my departure day, I received the very shocking news that my trip route has been CANCELLED. The decision was based off of a number of reasons, but the core to it had to do with our team’s safety and ministry efforts. I understood why the plans had to change, but it still felt like my whole world had been turned upside down. At that point, for 6 months straight, I had been bonding with my team members and talking nonstop to supporters and even strangers about the countries I was to go to, the type of ministry I would be doing, and things I had learned about each country. Even from afar, I already felt connected to these people and the work I would be doing in Ethiopia, Thailand, Cambodia, and Guatemala. All the preparation and hard work that I had put into the trip seemed to be useless and to be quite honest, I felt devastated. I was really looking forward to visiting these countries and meeting this amazing group of people I had come to know from all around the U.S., but I knew and still know now that God has a reason for allowing the trip to get cancelled.

In only a 4-day time span, I had to choose between 2 other routes my advisors offered to us. They are almost exactly like my original route, except they involve different countries with some different people. I looked over these routes and thought for a while, but then remembered about a newly added route I had seen earlier while I had already committed to my first route. This route still involves ministry, service work, and evangelism, but it also has something that the other routes don’t: education. Their goal is to bring young adults closer to Christ and finding their purpose all while receiving an education through online courses. Hearing about this peaked my interest right away. I have always loved learning and the idea of being able to do schoolwork while serving Jesus around the world sounded like my dream. Not only did I love the sound of this combination, but I also loved the countries that were chosen for the trip. They are Albania, Italy, Macedonia, Guatemala, Mexico, and El Salvador.

The crazy thing about all of this is that when I was originally looking into taking a gap year in the fall of last year and choosing between YWAM and World Race, I had wanted to go to Europe. At the time, World Race didn’t have any gap year ministry opportunities set in Europe and YWAM had some, but they weren’t the type of ministry I wanted to do. This led me to then choose my original route through World Race, which I had felt directed to by God in multiple ways. And now, after looking back on my past decision, I believe that God has been leading me to this route all along. All it required was listening to his voice and following faithfully towards what he had planned for me!

There are officially now only 30 days left until I leave for this journey! If you have any questions or would like to meet up with me before I go, send me a text and we can find a time to get together! Thank you all for continuing to be a part of this process with me 🙂